How Beer Makes Me Happier Than Wine

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Yes, making life changes also means deciding on beer consumption. I have to say I do take pleasure in a glass of wine, but wine can get dreadfully expensive. Last year a brain fart made me collect wine and create a wine cellar in my basement (leaving the bottles on a dusty work bench). Then I read that people who collect expensive wines are super rich or else it was really, really dumb. So after reading THAT, I uncorked those suckers and cheerfully swigged them down sometimes accompanied with a side of bacon pizza and chicken wings.  So much for my experiment with becoming a wine connoisseur.

Why beer is better than wine (sometimes).

  • I can buy 12 beers for the price of one good bottle of wine. My friends appreciate this too.
  • With wine you use fancy glasses, use teensy weensy sips that actually hurt your lips, pretend to sniff it and make believe that you taste the hint of black berry and French oak on your tongue. With beer you snap open the bottle, toss it down and get painful bubbles in your nose. Everyone has a good laugh. Burping is welcome and required.
  • Bringing a bottle of wine to a friend’s party is awesome, but even MORE awesome is a 12 pack of say, British beer. The guys will thank you for avoiding Coors Lite and introducing them to something that actually has taste. The girls will think of you as a world traveler and look at you like you are James Fucking Bond. Awesome!
  • You can bring back your beer empties. Wine bottle empties attract fruit fly babies and look sad.
  • Is there anything more awesome then a Corona with a slice of lime by the pool or on the beach? Drinking wine (white) on the beach is stupidly complicated (what do you bring ice cubes?). Your friends would shun you on the next vacation.
  • It’s easier to get a buzz on beer AND think nasty thoughts about your boss. Wine tends to make you think about your cousin in Italy or pretty grapes dangling from a vine on a dew filled morning.
  • Beer looks pretty in the fridge. Frosty beers lined up in the fridge looking like soldiers at attention, makes my heart flutter and soar. A bottle of wine on its side is …well… a bottle of wine on its side.

So there you have it. My life changes in relationship to beer verses wine.

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